Paris, mon amour

I have no words. My head is going to explode.

It is 2 am here, in France, and my heart is dying.

Jean Jullien’s. So meaningful.

I want to cry. I am shaking. I can’t help remembering the attack of Charlie Hebdo. I can’t help remembering that day, it was in January, 7th. I was studying for an exam and received a notification on my phone: something was happening at Charlie Hebdo. I didn’t pay much attention to it. Until I went on Twitter and found out. I still remember the fear going through my stomack. It was cold, devouring, devastating. It lasted a week before easing.

I was speaking with a friend when everything occurred today. I stopped the conversation with a “Holy shit. There is a fusillade in Paris.”  It is 2 am and around a hundred people were found in one only place, dead. Paris has been attacked in seven different places. How many people died tonight? How many people are still afraid to lose their beloveds? How many people don’t have news of their friends or family?

My brother and my friends are safe.

My brother and my friends are safe.

My brother and my friends are safe.

I am shaking.

My sight is blurred, I feel like I am going to faint.

People speak about dead bodies everywhere. They are crying on the phone and journalists keep asking how they feel. The French President made a speech. Obama made a speech. Several celebrities sent positive messages, full of hope and support. Germans walk in the streets to encourage us.

We have to get up. France, you have to get up. You are strong. We are strong and stronger together. Liberté, égalité, fraternité. Brotherhood. I saw it on Twitter, so many times. How many of us proposed to accomodate those who were far from their house thanks to #PorteOuverte #OpenDoor #PuertaAbierta #Offenetüren? How many of us proclaimed “No Conflation”? How many of us cared about other Twittos without knowing them? We did it once, months ago. We can do it twice.

I want to thank those who cared about me and my family, even if we barely know each other. I received messages from everywhere, England, France, Spain, Austria, Belgium, USA. Today, it doesn’t matter if you are French or not. We are people of the Universe, we are human, we are born to love and take care of each other. Solidarity. Reciprocity. We are going to need that.

What happened is not normal and I have no words to describe it. I am just lost, lost in a world I don’t understand anymore. Lost in a fear that gets bigger and bigger. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to fight for a freedom I deserve. I don’t want to explain extremism. I don’t want to give importance to those people. But man, how can I react? I will keep smiling. It is our best weapon.

I am not used to writing about my life, as intuitively and as spontaneously. This article doesn’t even fit in my blog. But it is important to share, to tell that those people are killers, nothing else. They can speak about religion, they can speak about revenge, they can speak about faith and power. It is not important. What matters is their action. They killed. Don’t try to explain their action. You can’t. You will end up with a headache and I promise, it is not worth it.

My head is going to explode.

Let’s conclude this nonsense with a lovely reminder, something that keeps me thinking of the good in darkest times: as Harry Potter said, “you’re the one who is weak. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.”

Maintenant, va falloir s’aimer. Là, il va falloir du courage.

Love and be safe, Marion