The Big Bang Theory: why do we always mock Amy’s feelings? (and more)

Hello people of the Universe !

Did you watch the last episode of TBBT? Firstly, you should because it is a really nice one. You see a bit of each character and enjoy simple moments with them all. Secondly, and this is the most interesting, Emmy4Mayim gave me the idea to write about it. Why? Because I agree with her statement: we always mock Amy’s feelings for Sheldon. And that’s enough.

I have always supported the show, finding the jokes hilarious and being amazed by how every character has its place and succeeds to evolve at its own pace. But here it is, I don’t understand why we need to belittle Amy every time she tries to express her feelings. Not only in this episode, in many others too, she is the one that ends up frustrated, put aside, as if her opinion wasn’t important or too “Amy-kind” to be taken seriously.

I am sure you noticed that there is always a joke after Sheldon expresses his feelings, never when Amy does. She is careful with her words, it is very important to her to say exactly what she means with as much love and kindness as she can. She cares about how Sheldon is going to react. Instead, his inuendos and his words often have a double meaning. He keeps giving false hope to her without thinking she could be hurt. She keeps waiting. 

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I don’t know how to understand that. Is it because a man can’t have feelings? Is it because he is not comfortable? Amy struggles with her feelings too, she doesn’t always know how to express them, but she is always the one looking for approval as if she wasn’t allowed to feel that way. And we only care about Sheldon, again.

We know it, when she was young, Amy was the scapegoat. She didn’t have friends and she suffered being sidelined. She has never been taught about feelings, she had to learn by herself so here is another question: why did Amy and Sheldon learn how to have sex together (put feelings into actions) but don’t learn how to love each other in a healthy way? In fact, their sex scene shouldn’t have been the goal of their relationship.

I love the strong and fun Amy. I love when she is a fighter and makes fun of her past. But guys, she has to be. She has no other choice because when she is sweet, kind and true, we don’t take her seriously. As if she hadn’t the right to be “”weak”” for a second because as soon as she is, she becomes a scapegoat again. We mock her sensitivity, her wish to share her feelings, and we keep trying to maintain a female version of Sheldon, a woman who shouldn’t have feelings because she is a scientist. And maybe because she is actually a woman, we keep thinking she is too emotional. Her character becomes the needy one.

For those of you who follow Mayim in particular, you know what being equal, being respected and respectful, and being true mean to her. She, thanks to her own values, succeeds to make Amy a special character. Not a taken one, not only a funny one, but a meaningful and deep character and I don’t understand why Amy has to go through that kind of depracation when you have with you a woman who can understand what it is and tries to make it stop in real life.

The show has always been here for people who have felt different, and not only nerds and geeks but also lost, sad or shy souls. The show has fixed them, allowing them to exist in a society that didn’t make them visible. Seeing Amy being belittled is like confirming their fear: they don’t have a voice that is worth listening to. I speak of the people who feel different, but it is the same for everybody involved in an asymmetrical relationship. Stop caring about Sheldon and stop making Amy the example of the perfect girlfriend who puts others first and does her best to make Sheldon happy. Show that a relationship is reciprocal. Her kindness makes her weak because it is not mutual whereas we expect it to be. Kindness should make people stronger. She has the right to ask for more. You have an amazing actress who defends equality and spreads a message of hope and love thanks to her smart and hilarious character, don’t forget that, don’t belittle her.

This episode is funny. It really is. This article doesn’t change anything, the writers and actors are absolute genius and I keep supporting them. But the show follows a usual and perfect pattern. I think that every single viewer of the show can foresee the exact right moment when Sheldon is going to make fun of Amy. We know the twist. We don’t even expect much anymore because we know that every suspense leads to a joke, not to a meaningful act. It sounds like a sheet music we have been playing for years now: the notes change but not the melody.

I already wrote about what we could learn from Shamy when they made love for the first time and I still believe it is true, but I am wondering what was the purpose to make them break up if almost nothing changes when they go back together.

I wish there were more trust and respect than “bazinga!” I care about Amy, I am like her at many levels. She means so much. Don’t comfort me in my “you are not enough” thoughts.

I like you for who you are, quirks and all,

Marion 

Update: Thanks to everyone who shared my article. I wish I knew you. If you found it on a fan page, leave its name in the comment, I’ll follow it! (never too much TBBT in my life)

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6 thoughts on “The Big Bang Theory: why do we always mock Amy’s feelings? (and more)

  1. I am totally accord with you, Amy must show more than she really is, and is time for Sheldon to support her with love and consideration, Sheldon is not the sun in this relationship

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